Sorry, but you’re not an Austin musician until…

Posted by mcorcoran on May 2, 2013

Meatloaf has moved to Austin. Jazz notable Esperanza Spaulding supposedly lives here, too. Ditto Greg Rolle of Santana and Journey, Iron & Wine’s Sam Beam, Greg Ginn of Black Flag. Glad to have ‘em, but these folks are not to be referred to as “Austin musicians.” It takes more than a ZIP code that starts with 787 to truly be considered a hometown musician. Use this guideline to tell the difference between a musician who lives in Austin and an Austin musician:

Sorry, but you’re not an Austin musician until…

… you’ve been rejected by SXSW, seven years in a row.

… you know your order without looking at the menu of the Tamale House No. 3.

… you’ve played a five-act bill at the Saxon Pub for a piece of the door.

… you’ve worked at Thundercloud.

… David Cotten doesn’t return your phone calls.

… you’ve snuck a case of beer out the back door after a gig.

… you’ve been fired by Bob Schneider.

… you’ve had a keg party at your house to stuff Austin Music Award ballots.

… you’ve looked forward to playing out at the airport because at least that gig pays.

… you’ve paid more for parking than you made that night.

… Raoul Hernandez ignores your friend request.

… you’ve ever spent the night with someone because they have hot water.

… you’ve ever kissed Michael Corcoran’s ass, while muttering “clueless cocksucker” under your breath when he walks away.

2 Responses to “Sorry, but you’re not an Austin musician until…”

  1. Richard said

    Actually, none of the folks mentioned in the first paragraph qualify as Austin musicians because they all have paying gigs…

  2. kim longacre said

    You get a gig at The Hole in the Wall/Continental Club/Carousel Lounge because your friends are headlining…

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


%d bloggers like this: