Meatloaf has moved to Austin. Jazz notable Esperanza Spaulding supposedly lives here, too. Ditto Greg Rolle of Santana and Journey, Greg Ginn of Black Flag and Miranda Lambert, I just found out. Glad to have ‘em, but these folks are not to be referred to as “Austin musicians.” It takes more than a ZIP code that starts with 787 to truly be considered a hometown musician. Use this guideline to tell the difference between a musician who lives in Austin and an Austin musician:
Sorry, but you’re not an Austin musician until…
… you’ve spent the night with someone because they have hot water.
… Raoul Hernandez ignores your friend request.
… you’ve played a five-act bill at the Saxon Pub for a piece of the door.
… you’ve quit a job at Thundercloud to go out on a tour of San Marcos, San Antonio and, shit, Corpus just canceled.
… you’ve been fired by Bob Schneider.
… you’ve opened your front door for a bassist in a mullet who saw the ad.
… you’ve paid more for parking than you made that night.
… you’ve been a member of Asleep At the Wheel.
… you sometimes drive by Tamale House #3 at lunchtime by habit.
… you’ve boosted a case of beer out the back door after a gig.
… you’ve been rejected by SXSW so many times they still send a letter each year even though you didn’t apply…
… a $20 bill in the tip jar saved your life.