Since the Sturgi-spreader in South Dakota in August, a good rule is to skip any restaurant with Harleys parked in front. But I will say that bikers from here are a kinder, more thoughtful breed. A true Austin outlaw biker:

1. Cooks crystal in a food trailer called “You Do the Meth.”

2. “Got his wings” by eating an airport breakfast taco at 3 p.m.

3. Was once hired to do security at Old Settler’s for all the gingko tea he could drink.

4. Complains that the ROT Rally was so much cooler when it was about new bikers trying to sign with gangs. Now it’s all corporate, like the Doritos Bandidos Stage.

5. Had nearly 100 ‘likes’ on his “Let’s Get Molly Hatchet Booked on ‘Austin City Limits’” Facebook page.

6. Rides a Harley Prius.

7. Volunteered at SXSW, got his badge, and never showed the fuck up!