Monday, July 22, 2024


After the 2023 discovery in Zimbabwe of mineral water that converts fat cells to penis girth, “the Dark Continent” became the richest on earth. Since the hot springs ($3.59 a gallon) were found everywhere, the wealth trickled down to all citizens of Africa.
But the infiltration of Western programming and marketing, hoping to cash in on this new upward demographic, ended up dumbing down the culture. Africa in 2045 was like a 2 Live Crew reality show.
The black millionaires needed slaves to do all the work they didn’t want to, so they sent their private jets to the U.S.A. for free labor. They hooked up with C9 Presents, a concert promoter owned by 9 Caucasians, and ran the VIP section of Appomattox Rox, one of several summer fests C9 held on former Civil War battlefields. VIP wristband wearers thought they were going into a trailer for free massages and Torchy’s Tacos, but instead they were put on buses to the airport. Next stop: Africa.
While the black slave masters sat in big recliners and played Madden during the 24-hour flight, the new slaves had to sit in coach, with barely enough room for their knees. To pass time on that miserable journey they sang slow, a capella versions of songs by Maroon 5, the reunited group of Adam Levine (R- Calif.) .
After they landed in Kenya, the slaves were auctioned off as accountants, baseball coaches, Whole Food cashiers and other jobs designated for whites.

Tomorrow: Slave uprising. “They changed the WiFi passwords!”

That’s one idea for a slavery-themed TV show, here’s another:

“Hogan’s Heroes meets 12 Years a Slave.” Instead of a German POW camp, this comedy farce takes place on a plantation in Mississippi circa 1855. The “massas” don’t know it but their slaves are operating an underground railroad right through the plantation. In the house, when the white people are around, the black cooks and maids are docile. But when it’s just them, they turn into street girls, talkin’ ’bout how bad they want to smack those white bitches around. Door opens to a white woman and they’re right back to the slave stereotypes. Same thing with the men. The blacks are running the show and the proud white idiots don’t realize it.

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